B A L A N C E
indie pop / alternative [EP]
The Songs
1. Harmonious Resistance
My dad has a strong personality and early on I developed a habit of diminishing my needs to better serve his. As such, I have behavior patterns that emerge when I meet people similar to him. I was almost 30 when I finally realized this and rebelled against him, and that part of me died which was painful but ultimately left me with more freedom and independence, which I cherish.
”Harmonious Resistance” is that first point of rebellion and it presents a cold, clinical view of relationships. A warning for those in similar situations who have not yet become aware of them.
2. And We Fall
I graduated in 2009 with a degree in chemical engineering and a fantastically low GPA that sunk my dream job. I didn't have a lot of options and ended up taking a technician job. This was a hard time because my identity as a smart person was crushed and I had a lot of student loans.
For a while I rejected reality by escaping into delusions of becoming a professional musician. My identity shifted. Although that dream did not work out either at the time, the experience taught me how to let go of older versions of myself. That ability continues to serve me now, as technology changes and what I learned in college has little to do with my current work.
3. Round & Round
It can be difficult to understand my own motivations. They are rooted in swirling feelings that are hard to put into words. But I know it's important to establish a strong internal identity instead of accepting one from the external world. The world is always trying to influence me by creating desires where there was contentment. Longing for peace.
I've noticed that when I have my desires under control, I am able to spend my time in a way that resonates with my internal identity. I'm a musician so I make music. Practically, I need to be on top of life so I can open windows to play with a focused, relaxed mind.
4. Make That Call
It's hard to tell someone that you need to be alone in order to love yourself, which is necessary before you can love them.
It's necessary for me to communicate this need, and to understand myself well enough to state it truthfully.
Boundaries are important, goes back to Harmonious Resistance.